Finding Calm Within the Chaos

 

I teach a weekly meditation class for the last several years. I love my students who faithfully show up even when they may not be feeling well. Showed up when we were still in a pandemic and were forced to meet outdoors in all kinds of weather while wearing a mask. But I believe our sanga (community) supported us through some of the most difficult times in our history. They helped me as much as we all helped each other. 

We were all grateful when the world started to open up again. Grateful to be able to leave the house and travel. Grateful to see family and friends we had not hugged in years. So how is it, with all this gratitude going around the collective world, there is so much dissonance, war and hate dominating the world right now?

I figured I couldn't be the only one feeling angst, anxiety and stress over the distressing events occurring around us. Even as an experienced meditator, I felt all of the above feelings. Last straw was waking up Tuesday morning to jaw and mandibular pain. Enough was enough. I needed to take my emotional health into a higher gear and share my healing practice with my students.

I am sharing this Tuesdays class with you. I hope it helps anchor and center you amongst the chaos surrounding us these days.

Emotional flexibility is a trait that people with strong mental resilience possess. It is the ability to hold many different emotions at once and not allow the negative ones to poison the well. It is a skill that is not easy to master but the key is to remain present with whatever emotion bubbles to the surface. The following meditation allows me to come back from the murkiness of the negative emotions vying for my attention during chaotic times.

Find a quiet space and sit. Close your eyes or lower your gaze and focus on the rhythm of your breath. Try to breathe in and out of the nose if possible. Begin to scan the body for any areas that feel tense and send the breath there to release it. Now, begin diaphragmatic breathing. This is where we engage the entire diaphragm and divide it in thirds. The upper section is the lungs, middle section is the solar plexus above the navel, lower section is below the navel. As you inhale lightly fill each section, not forcefully but mindfully. On the exhale, expel the breath the same way. Think of it as a wave of breath. Do this for 5 minutes. If you get dizzy, just return to a normal breathing pattern and ditch the diaphragmatic breathing.

Your mind should have less thought traffic moving through it and you are ready for the next part of this meditation.

Return to normal breathing and drop your attention like a plumb line down towards the middle of your chest, into your heart space and allow it to rest there until you feel the heart expand and relax. Stay present and stay with the breath and focus on the heart space. If the heart space feels blocked, visualize a small opening with a beam of light shining through it dispersing the blockage until the heart space releases.

From this place of resting in the heart, get in touch with the emotions you are feeling. Anger, lack of control, anxiety all come from Fear. All emotions are energy so let go of the "reason" for the negative emotion and focus on the sensation within the feeling. Next, move your focus to a subtle energy in the background, the awareness from where the feeling arises and subsides. Allow the feeling or emotion to  just float there, without trying to control it in any way. Eventually notice how the feeling of anxiety, anger or lack of control slowly dissolves into the subtle energy of awareness and is transmuted by the love, kindness and compassion that is also being held in that container of the heart. Allow those feelings to alchemize the negative ones and either dissolve or dissipate them. 

This works well in a controlled setting but what about those times you are either at work or in your car and the negative emotions overwhelm you? Try this hack for a quick switch.

When you find the anger, anxiety or fear begin to overtake your mind, think of a quick counter thought to it. Find a phrase or a word that resonates with you, as an example " I will keep my heart open and act from Love". If that's too Pollyannaish for you, come up with a wittier one. Sometimes when I vehemently disagree with someone, I remind myself to find common ground, even if it is in my mind. We all want what is best for our children and loved ones, we all want better communities, we all want to get home safe. When I can remember that as I look into someone's eyes it helps to dissipate the anger bubbling up inside. And if all else fails, take 10 deep breaths before speaking. Or walk away.

In my past posts I speak of the physical and emotional damage stress causes us. We cannot control what is going on in the world but we CAN control how we react to it and how we allow it to affect us. 

Do not allow it to poison the well of your heart.

We Have All Had a Will Smith "Moment"

 It is impossible to ignore the "slap heard around the world", it's on every news outlet. I am not going to express my opinion or hash over what is trending online. My takeaway from this is more spiritually based.

Be honest, we've all done or said something we regretted after. Where we could have handled it differently. We were triggered by a comment, an event and it set our protective ego off. Our lower self took over and reacted. Are there times when that is warranted? Absofuckinglutely! Spellcheck didn't recognize that one 😂

We are imperfect human beings to be sure. Yet Tantra yoga teaches us to accept and love ourselves with all our blemishes, imperfections and faults. Even embrace them. After all, an imperfect diamond still shines and sparkles. Shining the light of self awareness on those imperfections allows us to sift through the qualities in ourselves that damage from the ones that make us the unique, amazing souls that we are. After all, no diamond is exactly alike. Being quirky, thinking outside the box, even a bit odd adds technicolor to our human experience.

When we find ourselves triggered, that is our cue to take a time out. Take a deep breath, maybe ten, and then choose our next step wisely. And perhaps recall the 3 Gates of Speech from the Buddha, which states:

Before you Speak, Ask Yourself:

Is it True? Is it Kind? Is it Necessary?

There is a Fourth Gate if the other three are a Yes.

Is it the Appropriate Time to Say It?

How do we shine the light of self awareness into those dark recesses of our mind and coax them out Before they set us off? The act of meditating, sitting still with ourselves hones the practice of self-awareness. Self awareness activates that filter between thought and action so we no longer react to something unconsciously. We are able to view ourselves through the lens of an observer, taking the whole picture in like the lens of a camera, without judgement or bias. This all, of course, happens very quickly but that is where a regular meditation practice comes to bear fruit.

Have there been times that even after Knowing my subsequent action was reactionary, and perhaps even inappropriate, I forged ahead anyway? Absofuckinglutely LOL  But I was fully aware of my actions and the wrath or reaction it would create. I don't think Chris Rock or Will Smith thought that last part out.

Remember, Ego is trying to protect you or give you a self esteem boost. It doesn't care who else it may harm while taking care of you. Ego can be self-centered and short sighted. And when in doubt, always act from Love NOT Fear.

Halloween Season Meditation

 This is our last pause before the holiday season rushes in and for some, Halloween marks the end of the year or cycle as a new one begins. Whatever your beliefs are, this meditation helps ground us and prepare for the new year soon approaching.

If you are fortunate enough to have a hearth or outdoor firepit, do this meditation while enjoying the glow of a real fire. Otherwise, use your imagination or YouTube provides countless fireplace videos to use as a background.

First, turn off all distractions and get comfortable in your seat. Close your eyes or lower your gaze and begin to focus on your breath. Don't force the breath, just become aware of its rhythm. Notice if it becomes stuck anywhere, its pace, if it's shallow. If need be, place a hand on your belly and feel it rise and fall with the breath. As we change our breath, we change our emotion. Allow inhale and exhale to slow down and stay present with the breath. Do this for about five minutes until you begin to feel yourself relax a bit more, the mind slowing down its thoughts.

Now, place your hands wherever its comfortable and visualize a roaring, crackling fire warming your skin. Its flames dancing and licking the glowing hot logs. This is a holy fire, the Diving fire of Grace, God or the Universe. Fire not only destroys but also transforms and provides. We will play with all three aspects in this meditation.

Bring to mind three habits, aspects, thoughts or thought patterns, feelings you want to let go. Whether they are negative self talk or aspects of your personality that no longer serve you, hold you back from being happy, or confine you. Mentally write each one down on a piece of paper, thank them for protecting you in the past and then toss each one into the fire. As they burn, feel yourself being freed from these invisible chains to well-being, a burden lifted off your soul. By "destroying" these negative patterns we create space, clear sacred ground for something new. 

What do you want more of? Peace, love, financial security, good health? Conjure up three life changes that will bring you more happiness. Once identified, which one will possibly bring you all of them? Drill down to the original seed that will sprout and grow into contentment for you. This is the seed you will plant and cultivate in this sacred ground you cleared. You are always welcome to add more seeds. But for now let us start with one. 

Now comes the transformation. What concrete steps will you take to achieve this life change? As you cannot just plant a seed and expect it to reach its full potential without nurturing it, so it goes with what we want to create in our lives. Choose three to five concrete actions, big or small, you can take right now or in the immediate future and mentally jot them down on pieces of paper. View these as offerings to make and toss into the Divine Fire. 

Next, how will this life change feel inside you? How will it provide and transform your life? See the change as if it has already happened, feel it in your soul, your mind and body. What we think, we create. By providing our desire with a positive, nurturing environment to flourish we encourage the change to occur.

Take the next few minutes to silently sit with your elevated emotions and lean into it.

Happy Autumn Season to you 

My Ego Is Stalking Me

It shows up at my doorstep uninvited, unwanted and most unwelcome. I thought I was rid of this pest called ego, done with it, finito. Like a reformed addict free from drinking the Kool- Aid of self-importance and arrogance. Teaching the joys of humility and detachment from pride to my students. Proud of my ascent onto the ladder of enlightenment, only to miss a rung in my selfish giddiness. The I-Maker skulked back into my life as I happily donated a trailer full of old household items and a large turkey to a soup kitchen last holiday season. Feeling like Santa Claus riding in on his sleigh, I apparently expected the receivers of this generous gift to kiss my feet. Wow, was I disappointed! The manager of the Love Kitchen was grateful for my 25+ year old stove and 20+ year old mattress, just not to my ego's satisfaction. The shocking revelation to me was that I had expectations at all. Concealed from my conscious mind, ego leaped out into my path and unnerved my higher Self.  Pride and ego are survivors and, not unlike a scorpion, can go a year without being fed and live in sub zero temperatures. And like scorpions, are practically impossible to eradicate. Trust me, I know about living with scorpions. So I now treat this unwanted pest by dousing it with daily meditation, staying vigilant of my inner thoughts, and as a last resort, stomping on it mercilessly with the shoe of humility. Just remember, scorpions crawl into your slippers, climb walls and hide behind your bath towel. They show up in the most unlikely places...and it's scorpion season in Phoenix again.

Who Is Directing Your Life Movie?

I'm probably a bit behind the curve, but I finally saw the film "Inception". Thought it was a good, provocative movie but not in the same league as "The Matrix". It did cause me to ponder the film at different times the next day, and the next, and the next. What is it about the theme of 'Inception" that buzzed in film goers minds for days after? Or caused many to view the film several times over? What are we looking for? The Answer, of course. Is the film entirely a dream? Does it have a deeper meaning that we are meant to uncloak? Only the writer and director know the true answer, but it did lead me to my interpretation of "Inception". A dream within a dream is not a concept, I dream this way most of the time. I am the director of my dreams and if at any point I don't like the direction my dream is heading, I go back a few chapters and change key elements in the dream to produce an outcome that is acceptable to me. Many times, as I am in the middle of a dream, I view the whole scene in this surreal scape of being an observer on the set. I am directing myself in a movie per se. It is rare for me to not have control over my dreams, but it does occur. And it's unsettling. In the movie, they are able to drop into 3 levels of dreaming. The dream within the dream would be level 2 (me observing the dream as the director, for example), but was is level 3?? I believe it is where our body ceases to exist, we are everywhere but we are nowhere and we are simply "mind". The deepest level of meditation takes us to another level of reality, where there is no physical presence or compass, you just are. Level 3, as my husband described so succinctly, is telling the director in level 2 how to direct the events in level 1. So who is in control of level 3? Our soul, our inner self, that place within us that is all-knowing, where instinct and intuition are born. Many of us who have achieved this deeper level of meditation describe it as falling. You have to allow yourself to let go completely and plunge into the unknown. As if you were falling into a black hole, trusting the outcome whatever that may be. Practicing meditation hones our mind into achieving this deeper level of understanding of ourselves, the universe and the meaning of life. What was your interpretation of "Inception"?

The Key to Less Stress

A fellow yoga teacher commented that every door she encounters is shut and then utters something about Mercury being in retrograde. I have no idea what that means, but I gather 'tis not good. The closed doors did peak my interest, however. Mulling the idea over, everything does seem harder than usual. When times were good, doors would open before me like magic. Now, I knock on the door and there's nobody home. I produce my master key ring set, and proceed to insert each key to no avail. Maybe I'm at the wrong doorway. Instead of forcing our way through a situation that we believe should be, perhaps we ARE at the wrong house. What if we just followed the natural flow of life and moved on to the next threshold? Or returned to that same portal at another time? Would the results be different? Would a separate point in the continuum of space produce an altered reality? After all, no two moments are the same. The very root of Taoism is going with the flow of life, not forcing anything. Westernized thinking muddies up clarity of thought with too much action or movement. Possibly, just possibly, the key to open pathways is allowing them to open before us when we are meant to pass through them. And wait for Mercury to stop being in retrograde.

Take a Chill Pill...

and pass the bottle on. People just need to slow down, stop overreacting, being judgmental and selfish. Wow, I think I just solved the world's problems in one sentence. Now why is something so seemingly simple so difficult to do? Mind-body practices rewire our brain to do just that! Hatha (physical) yoga teaches us to slow down, both within and without. Qigong and tai chi quiet the mind by focusing on the present moment. All brands of meditation not only train the brain and body to chill, but habituate us into "unplugging" our mind and disassociate the memories that trigger overreaction, judgement, anger and all negative thought patterns.
When we become aware of our thoughts, we can change them. Self-awareness eventually stamps out self-involvement.
We only need to convince all the politicians and leaders of this blue planet that the answer to a better world is meditation. I think the Dalai Lama's been at this for a while and will be (unless we give these people partial lobotomies). Now there's an idea!

Run Silent, Run Deep

within your soul. Our spirit requires moments of silence. It is in those quiet spaces that it speaks to us. That inner voice we call intuition, that part deep within us that "knows", just can't compete with cellphones, television, music, traffic,barking dogs and screaming children.
To allow that voice to bubble to the surface, we must be attentive to it, nurture it and give it room to expand. Quiet time is good food for the soul. Take some time to sit outside and close your eyes. Listen to the wind whispering through the trees, the birds chirping and feel the sun warm your face. This quiet time may come in the form of contemplation, a moment where one just enjoys being, not doing. There is a well-known saying in Taoism that is my mantra, Wei Wu Wei, do without doing. So find a quiet place, even if it's your closet, and spend some time listening to your soul.

Do Not Disturb the Water

We see the mirror of ourselves in still water, not rushing water. I view my mind as the surface of a lake. Sometimes, it is as busy as prime boating season, with ski boats racing everywhere, and jet skis buzzing around. At other times, it is rippling endlessly, courtesy of a perfectly cast skipping stone. And still, there are those precious, wondrous times when the surface of that sapphire lake is a looking-glass mirroring the endless sky above. It is in those moments that I catch a glimpse of my soul...and smile at its beauty. May your meditation lead your mind to this unstirred water.

Meditation is hard!

I smile patiently and understandingly when I get that response from non-meditators. Ahh, patience. There's a simple, non-threatening word that most of us need more of. After all, everything we learned required some amount of patience. We didn't learn to tie our shoes in one day, although most of us don't remember that far back. Of course, kids today just Velcro their shoes. Meditation is no different than learning any other skill. It requires perseverance, patience and focus. We are re-training our minds to not think or judge. Notice I didn't say "stilling" the mind. I believe that is too lofty a goal when beginning to meditate. Let's just aim for not thinking or judging for now. That should be enough to keep your mind doing something. Because your mind wants to keep busy, have no doubt about it. As a test, try to stop thinking right now and aim to still your mind. The Buddhists call this "monkey mind". As soon as you've made the decision to stop the mind's fluctuations, it starts jumping around like a monkey from tree to tree. The most bizarre thoughts may come into your head, things you haven't thought about in years! I'm pretty amused with my mind when that happens.
Just tell yourself "Oh, just judging again" or "There's that monkey mind" and see where the mind takes you. It's called noting and is quite useful at consciously becoming mindfully aware. Try this for 5 minutes, aiming for once a day or at least 3X over the next week.