Finding Calm Within the Chaos

 

I teach a weekly meditation class for the last several years. I love my students who faithfully show up even when they may not be feeling well. Showed up when we were still in a pandemic and were forced to meet outdoors in all kinds of weather while wearing a mask. But I believe our sanga (community) supported us through some of the most difficult times in our history. They helped me as much as we all helped each other. 

We were all grateful when the world started to open up again. Grateful to be able to leave the house and travel. Grateful to see family and friends we had not hugged in years. So how is it, with all this gratitude going around the collective world, there is so much dissonance, war and hate dominating the world right now?

I figured I couldn't be the only one feeling angst, anxiety and stress over the distressing events occurring around us. Even as an experienced meditator, I felt all of the above feelings. Last straw was waking up Tuesday morning to jaw and mandibular pain. Enough was enough. I needed to take my emotional health into a higher gear and share my healing practice with my students.

I am sharing this Tuesdays class with you. I hope it helps anchor and center you amongst the chaos surrounding us these days.

Emotional flexibility is a trait that people with strong mental resilience possess. It is the ability to hold many different emotions at once and not allow the negative ones to poison the well. It is a skill that is not easy to master but the key is to remain present with whatever emotion bubbles to the surface. The following meditation allows me to come back from the murkiness of the negative emotions vying for my attention during chaotic times.

Find a quiet space and sit. Close your eyes or lower your gaze and focus on the rhythm of your breath. Try to breathe in and out of the nose if possible. Begin to scan the body for any areas that feel tense and send the breath there to release it. Now, begin diaphragmatic breathing. This is where we engage the entire diaphragm and divide it in thirds. The upper section is the lungs, middle section is the solar plexus above the navel, lower section is below the navel. As you inhale lightly fill each section, not forcefully but mindfully. On the exhale, expel the breath the same way. Think of it as a wave of breath. Do this for 5 minutes. If you get dizzy, just return to a normal breathing pattern and ditch the diaphragmatic breathing.

Your mind should have less thought traffic moving through it and you are ready for the next part of this meditation.

Return to normal breathing and drop your attention like a plumb line down towards the middle of your chest, into your heart space and allow it to rest there until you feel the heart expand and relax. Stay present and stay with the breath and focus on the heart space. If the heart space feels blocked, visualize a small opening with a beam of light shining through it dispersing the blockage until the heart space releases.

From this place of resting in the heart, get in touch with the emotions you are feeling. Anger, lack of control, anxiety all come from Fear. All emotions are energy so let go of the "reason" for the negative emotion and focus on the sensation within the feeling. Next, move your focus to a subtle energy in the background, the awareness from where the feeling arises and subsides. Allow the feeling or emotion to  just float there, without trying to control it in any way. Eventually notice how the feeling of anxiety, anger or lack of control slowly dissolves into the subtle energy of awareness and is transmuted by the love, kindness and compassion that is also being held in that container of the heart. Allow those feelings to alchemize the negative ones and either dissolve or dissipate them. 

This works well in a controlled setting but what about those times you are either at work or in your car and the negative emotions overwhelm you? Try this hack for a quick switch.

When you find the anger, anxiety or fear begin to overtake your mind, think of a quick counter thought to it. Find a phrase or a word that resonates with you, as an example " I will keep my heart open and act from Love". If that's too Pollyannaish for you, come up with a wittier one. Sometimes when I vehemently disagree with someone, I remind myself to find common ground, even if it is in my mind. We all want what is best for our children and loved ones, we all want better communities, we all want to get home safe. When I can remember that as I look into someone's eyes it helps to dissipate the anger bubbling up inside. And if all else fails, take 10 deep breaths before speaking. Or walk away.

In my past posts I speak of the physical and emotional damage stress causes us. We cannot control what is going on in the world but we CAN control how we react to it and how we allow it to affect us. 

Do not allow it to poison the well of your heart.

We Have All Had a Will Smith "Moment"

 It is impossible to ignore the "slap heard around the world", it's on every news outlet. I am not going to express my opinion or hash over what is trending online. My takeaway from this is more spiritually based.

Be honest, we've all done or said something we regretted after. Where we could have handled it differently. We were triggered by a comment, an event and it set our protective ego off. Our lower self took over and reacted. Are there times when that is warranted? Absofuckinglutely! Spellcheck didn't recognize that one 😂

We are imperfect human beings to be sure. Yet Tantra yoga teaches us to accept and love ourselves with all our blemishes, imperfections and faults. Even embrace them. After all, an imperfect diamond still shines and sparkles. Shining the light of self awareness on those imperfections allows us to sift through the qualities in ourselves that damage from the ones that make us the unique, amazing souls that we are. After all, no diamond is exactly alike. Being quirky, thinking outside the box, even a bit odd adds technicolor to our human experience.

When we find ourselves triggered, that is our cue to take a time out. Take a deep breath, maybe ten, and then choose our next step wisely. And perhaps recall the 3 Gates of Speech from the Buddha, which states:

Before you Speak, Ask Yourself:

Is it True? Is it Kind? Is it Necessary?

There is a Fourth Gate if the other three are a Yes.

Is it the Appropriate Time to Say It?

How do we shine the light of self awareness into those dark recesses of our mind and coax them out Before they set us off? The act of meditating, sitting still with ourselves hones the practice of self-awareness. Self awareness activates that filter between thought and action so we no longer react to something unconsciously. We are able to view ourselves through the lens of an observer, taking the whole picture in like the lens of a camera, without judgement or bias. This all, of course, happens very quickly but that is where a regular meditation practice comes to bear fruit.

Have there been times that even after Knowing my subsequent action was reactionary, and perhaps even inappropriate, I forged ahead anyway? Absofuckinglutely LOL  But I was fully aware of my actions and the wrath or reaction it would create. I don't think Chris Rock or Will Smith thought that last part out.

Remember, Ego is trying to protect you or give you a self esteem boost. It doesn't care who else it may harm while taking care of you. Ego can be self-centered and short sighted. And when in doubt, always act from Love NOT Fear.

My Ego Is Stalking Me

It shows up at my doorstep uninvited, unwanted and most unwelcome. I thought I was rid of this pest called ego, done with it, finito. Like a reformed addict free from drinking the Kool- Aid of self-importance and arrogance. Teaching the joys of humility and detachment from pride to my students. Proud of my ascent onto the ladder of enlightenment, only to miss a rung in my selfish giddiness. The I-Maker skulked back into my life as I happily donated a trailer full of old household items and a large turkey to a soup kitchen last holiday season. Feeling like Santa Claus riding in on his sleigh, I apparently expected the receivers of this generous gift to kiss my feet. Wow, was I disappointed! The manager of the Love Kitchen was grateful for my 25+ year old stove and 20+ year old mattress, just not to my ego's satisfaction. The shocking revelation to me was that I had expectations at all. Concealed from my conscious mind, ego leaped out into my path and unnerved my higher Self.  Pride and ego are survivors and, not unlike a scorpion, can go a year without being fed and live in sub zero temperatures. And like scorpions, are practically impossible to eradicate. Trust me, I know about living with scorpions. So I now treat this unwanted pest by dousing it with daily meditation, staying vigilant of my inner thoughts, and as a last resort, stomping on it mercilessly with the shoe of humility. Just remember, scorpions crawl into your slippers, climb walls and hide behind your bath towel. They show up in the most unlikely places...and it's scorpion season in Phoenix again.

Who Is Directing Your Life Movie?

I'm probably a bit behind the curve, but I finally saw the film "Inception". Thought it was a good, provocative movie but not in the same league as "The Matrix". It did cause me to ponder the film at different times the next day, and the next, and the next. What is it about the theme of 'Inception" that buzzed in film goers minds for days after? Or caused many to view the film several times over? What are we looking for? The Answer, of course. Is the film entirely a dream? Does it have a deeper meaning that we are meant to uncloak? Only the writer and director know the true answer, but it did lead me to my interpretation of "Inception". A dream within a dream is not a concept, I dream this way most of the time. I am the director of my dreams and if at any point I don't like the direction my dream is heading, I go back a few chapters and change key elements in the dream to produce an outcome that is acceptable to me. Many times, as I am in the middle of a dream, I view the whole scene in this surreal scape of being an observer on the set. I am directing myself in a movie per se. It is rare for me to not have control over my dreams, but it does occur. And it's unsettling. In the movie, they are able to drop into 3 levels of dreaming. The dream within the dream would be level 2 (me observing the dream as the director, for example), but was is level 3?? I believe it is where our body ceases to exist, we are everywhere but we are nowhere and we are simply "mind". The deepest level of meditation takes us to another level of reality, where there is no physical presence or compass, you just are. Level 3, as my husband described so succinctly, is telling the director in level 2 how to direct the events in level 1. So who is in control of level 3? Our soul, our inner self, that place within us that is all-knowing, where instinct and intuition are born. Many of us who have achieved this deeper level of meditation describe it as falling. You have to allow yourself to let go completely and plunge into the unknown. As if you were falling into a black hole, trusting the outcome whatever that may be. Practicing meditation hones our mind into achieving this deeper level of understanding of ourselves, the universe and the meaning of life. What was your interpretation of "Inception"?

Lighten Your Load

Ever notice how some people are constantly looking back? They live in coulda, woulda, shoulda land? Living in the past and wishing they'd done..whatever they didn't do? Don't you just want to scream "snap out of it!" I mean, who cares? Alright, my rant is over, whew, I feel better. If we are constantly looking back we will miss what is ahead and either, lose out on an opportunity, or hit a light pole. Don't get me wrong, we need to learn from our mistakes but why flog ourselves over it? Maybe I am missing that regret gene. Not being the most impulsive human probably eases the lack of regret. Not that I don't think being impulsive is fun, I've jumped into plenty of fountains in my time and even clambered over the balcony of a 9th story building once (to my defense I was only 10 and stupidly lucky). But regret is a waste of mind time and a depressant at that. Kicking old habits is not for the faint of heart, but kicking regret out of your consciousness will release you from your past. How to start? As one who lacks the regret gene, I can only speak from my personal vault. Think through major decisions and gather all the facts before jumping in. Apply the Golden Rule to EVERY action or inaction you take. Sprinkle kindness, patience and compassion on every person you encounter (even if it is not reciprocated). Live with passion yet restraint and see what lies ahead.

Flip It Over

Back in the days of records (those round, ebony, circular disks with grooves that play tunes), you'd flip it over to side B for the other half. That side was usually reserved for the lesser known tracks and didn't get played as much. Hence, the speed of light invention of eight track tapes, which didn't need flipping. They did, however, take a ton of space in my 1981 Mustang center console. But I digress. The universe is sending people my way lately who, against their better judgement, believe I can help them. I'm a good listener, give advice when asked, and for the most part, have clarity of thought. In other words, I'm others' sounding board. I don't mind. At a young age peers would come to me for advice and it's been ongoing. I should have become a psychologist as my husband points out, but I didn't want to listen to other people's problems at work AND on my off time. A wise yoga teacher presented me with the concept of flipping over an unsavory situation. When I find myself with a problem, I try the flip side. What positive aspect can I take out of this? If I am going to suffer, which I truly dislike, I might as well learn something. Say you've experienced a life changing situation (divorce, unemployment) and feel like a deer in headlights. Paralyzed by the floor falling away beneath your feet. I see it as an opportunity to start over with a new life. Move to a new city (my choice is Lake Tahoe), go back to school and reinvent yourself. Flip yourself over and explore side B. **Disclaimer- No, I am not getting divorced or unemployed, although being in real estate these days is kinda close.

Why Postpone Joy?

I mesmerisingly stare at these words sparkling in rhinestones on a petite woman's t-shirt, and my mind stops in its tracks. Wow, great question I tell myself, and how do you answer that? The white elephant in the room answer is of course, you don't. So why do we postpone joy? That is the deeper question we each must self reflect on. My answer was duty. The duty to work to make money and pay bills. The duty to keep my home from becoming a pig sty, even though I loathe cleaning. The duty to lift weights to stave off the inevitable decay of my muscles from old age. It's the "have to" chores in my life that sometimes postpone my joy, or so I suppose. Maybe it's the attitude with which I approach these duties that needs to shift. What if I find joy in my duties instead? I'm working towards it. I now listen to NPR while the pungent smell of white vinegar wafts up my nostrils. I may as well get smarter while mopping the floors. Finding joy in real estate these days is a bit challenging, but I love my other job, teaching yoga. Paying off bills will give me peace of mind and take a load off, so there is joy in that. Lifting weights? Hmm, maybe if I were narcissistic I could admire the cut muscles on my arms, but it really doesn't do anything for me. I would just as gladly take a pill, or eat spinach. Finding joy requires looking within and shedding habits that no longer serve us, adopting new ones and finding the sparkle (tejase) in all that we do.

Understanding Shiva's Dance

I experienced two of the five acts of Shiva last week. A path opened before me, all the pieces fell into place, and feeling pretty good (read ego) about following my intuitive self, headed off skipping happily down the path. Unexpectedly, an obstacle got thrown right in my way. I was confused and blindsided, as I was sure the signs of karma had led me here and could not understand the derailing. Instead of reacting with anger or frustration though, I chose to wait. Wait for the purpose of the obstacle to be revealed. The challenge, apart from corking my ego like an unhappy genie in a bottle, was to be patient and have trust while the reason was concealed from me. As the obstacle lifted, an unexpected gift came with it. Smiling inwardly, I understood the reason for the concealment and the lesson learned when the time for revealment came. I learned that life's bumps, potholes, detours and delays are there to teach us patience and trust. The patience to not overreact and trust in the unknown (the unrevealed). The unknown will reveal itself when it is ready.

Our lives are in a constant flow of concealment and revealment. Awareness helps us become more in touch with the natural pulsation of life (prana). As the dark side of the moon reveals itself unhurried, we can wait in the darkness armed with trust and patience knowing the light will reveal our path in due time.