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Sunday, September 26, 2010

I've Been Kicked Out of Bars, But This Is Ridiculous!

Yes, I've been kicked out of bars, a hotel, a public park, and probably a couple of other places I can't recall anymore but this last incident was disturbing. On a recent Sunday evening, my husband, 14 year-old Australian Shepherd and I went on our normal walk. The same walk we've been embarking on for 9 years. Suddenly, a man's voice is screaming hello at us, and this pudgy, short figure waddles up behind us, scaring the beegeebees out of me. I shrieked and jumped a yard back not knowing what this stranger wanted. Was he on drugs, did he want money? Here we are, on a darkened neighborhood street with not a soul in sight, and this weirdo starts asking us if we live in the neighborhood. Are you kidding me? My husband, concerned for our safety, starts asking this seemingly mentally disturbed middle-aged guy why he wanted to know. All excitable now, the stranger states that this is a private street (not gated, mind you) and we are trespassing. My husband, still thinking this guy is on drugs, asks if he's a security guard or just out to lunch. Whipping out his IPhone, the crazy lawyer (yes, big surprise) announces he's calling the police to have us escorted out and proceeds to speed dial someone, probably his wife. We were escorted out by a paper pushing, overweight middle-aged white guy to the edge of the subdivision. I'm not making this up. We were told to stay south of Cholla Street where we belonged and never to return to Village Fairways subdivision (friendly place).
Why, you ask?? We still don't know why. We always pick up after our dog, although to our chagrin, our bag was empty during this incident. I think attorneys and dog poop go well together. We weren't dressed indecently, although our dog WAS naked. Obviously, he hates dogs. And people. Especially people who don't live in Village Fairways, where only unfriendlies are welcome.
So if you ever find yourself walking your dog near Village Fairways, and spot a late model black Mercedes Benz coupe (yes, the crazy lawyer's car), feel free to toss that steaming hot, full bag of dog poop at it. Tell him it's a belated gift from me.
P.S.- Will keep you posted on this one. Village Fairways is bounded by Cholla St. & Stonecreek Golf Course and 42nd St. to Tatum Blvd. in Phoenix.