Finding Calm Within the Chaos

 

I teach a weekly meditation class for the last several years. I love my students who faithfully show up even when they may not be feeling well. Showed up when we were still in a pandemic and were forced to meet outdoors in all kinds of weather while wearing a mask. But I believe our sanga (community) supported us through some of the most difficult times in our history. They helped me as much as we all helped each other. 

We were all grateful when the world started to open up again. Grateful to be able to leave the house and travel. Grateful to see family and friends we had not hugged in years. So how is it, with all this gratitude going around the collective world, there is so much dissonance, war and hate dominating the world right now?

I figured I couldn't be the only one feeling angst, anxiety and stress over the distressing events occurring around us. Even as an experienced meditator, I felt all of the above feelings. Last straw was waking up Tuesday morning to jaw and mandibular pain. Enough was enough. I needed to take my emotional health into a higher gear and share my healing practice with my students.

I am sharing this Tuesdays class with you. I hope it helps anchor and center you amongst the chaos surrounding us these days.

Emotional flexibility is a trait that people with strong mental resilience possess. It is the ability to hold many different emotions at once and not allow the negative ones to poison the well. It is a skill that is not easy to master but the key is to remain present with whatever emotion bubbles to the surface. The following meditation allows me to come back from the murkiness of the negative emotions vying for my attention during chaotic times.

Find a quiet space and sit. Close your eyes or lower your gaze and focus on the rhythm of your breath. Try to breathe in and out of the nose if possible. Begin to scan the body for any areas that feel tense and send the breath there to release it. Now, begin diaphragmatic breathing. This is where we engage the entire diaphragm and divide it in thirds. The upper section is the lungs, middle section is the solar plexus above the navel, lower section is below the navel. As you inhale lightly fill each section, not forcefully but mindfully. On the exhale, expel the breath the same way. Think of it as a wave of breath. Do this for 5 minutes. If you get dizzy, just return to a normal breathing pattern and ditch the diaphragmatic breathing.

Your mind should have less thought traffic moving through it and you are ready for the next part of this meditation.

Return to normal breathing and drop your attention like a plumb line down towards the middle of your chest, into your heart space and allow it to rest there until you feel the heart expand and relax. Stay present and stay with the breath and focus on the heart space. If the heart space feels blocked, visualize a small opening with a beam of light shining through it dispersing the blockage until the heart space releases.

From this place of resting in the heart, get in touch with the emotions you are feeling. Anger, lack of control, anxiety all come from Fear. All emotions are energy so let go of the "reason" for the negative emotion and focus on the sensation within the feeling. Next, move your focus to a subtle energy in the background, the awareness from where the feeling arises and subsides. Allow the feeling or emotion to  just float there, without trying to control it in any way. Eventually notice how the feeling of anxiety, anger or lack of control slowly dissolves into the subtle energy of awareness and is transmuted by the love, kindness and compassion that is also being held in that container of the heart. Allow those feelings to alchemize the negative ones and either dissolve or dissipate them. 

This works well in a controlled setting but what about those times you are either at work or in your car and the negative emotions overwhelm you? Try this hack for a quick switch.

When you find the anger, anxiety or fear begin to overtake your mind, think of a quick counter thought to it. Find a phrase or a word that resonates with you, as an example " I will keep my heart open and act from Love". If that's too Pollyannaish for you, come up with a wittier one. Sometimes when I vehemently disagree with someone, I remind myself to find common ground, even if it is in my mind. We all want what is best for our children and loved ones, we all want better communities, we all want to get home safe. When I can remember that as I look into someone's eyes it helps to dissipate the anger bubbling up inside. And if all else fails, take 10 deep breaths before speaking. Or walk away.

In my past posts I speak of the physical and emotional damage stress causes us. We cannot control what is going on in the world but we CAN control how we react to it and how we allow it to affect us. 

Do not allow it to poison the well of your heart.

My New Year Lost It's Shine

It's only the 7th of January and I feel weary, as if my brand new Christmas clothes were worn and threadbare. Mind you, I'm not a big fan of the Roman calendar new year, it's just a tidy date chosen to keep everyone in line. I'm a Chinese new year person, when the ever changing new moon decides when we begin the shiny, bright new year. Yet, subconsciously I still fall aslumber on December 31st with hopeful sugar plums in my head, expecting to wake up the next day in Pleasantville. All will be better this year just because the New Year fairy waived her wand and spread her magical dust. Which could be true if the dust contained LSD.
Why did I lose the fleeting hope so quickly? Don't I know that only I can enact positive change in my life? When did I become so jaded? Shouldn't I be grateful for each day and have that be enough?
Admittingly, we were steamrolled into a deep, dark crevice by the real estate meltdown. Clawing our way back to mediocrity is no enviable task, and it gets wearisome at times. Many of us are work weary, burned out from too many working weekends, afraid to take vacations lest our clients go elsewhere and searching for our power sticks.
Rekindling my sparkle feels like trudging through a knee high mud bog on a blazingly hot desert summer day, but I slog on. Hope melts into my dimmed soul as I lazily soak in the warm winter Arizona sun during my first day off in three weeks. The sobering news of a friends' new battle against cancer whiplashes me back into everyday gratitude. Restarting my daily meditation practice fires up my brain's limbic system, sparking positive thinking.
In yoga, tapas (no, not the delectable spanish appetizers) is one of our ethical observances. It translates into fiery discipline, commitment to spiritual learning, heating up our practice. Burning off the dullness to reveal a shiny, improved self.  There's my New Year''s inspiration after all!

Marie's 10 Rules To Live By

1. Choose people who exude empathy, compassion AND kindness. Two out of three is not enough.
2. Live by the Golden Rule. Every day. Even when it sucks. To be good.
3. Question authority. Maybe not straight to a cop's face. Handcuffs are uncomfortable, take my word for it.
4. Jump in a fountain. At least one. Especially in the summer. In Italy.
5. Spend time with a child.
6. Right speech, Right action.
7. Laugh until you cry. Cry until you remember something to laugh about.
8. Meditate 5 minutes a day. In your car, closet, at your desk, in the forest, by the ocean. Just DO IT.
9. Do something for someone else without expectation. I teach yoga and meditation, it's my seva (service).
10. Material possessions tie us down and create suffering. Promise yourself that when they do, you will get rid of them. This applies to people too!

To clarify #3: I'm not advocating revolution or anarchy, just mindfulness over mindlessness. So you can put your muskets down, no need to run for the hills...yet.

Who Is Driving Your Soul Car?

As we careen around the whip lashing turns through the inky black mountain pass, my eyes dart to the ever changing moving pictures afforded by the Xenon lights guiding our moonless drive. My driver is a professional, smoothly changing gears and anticipating each switchback like someone who's driven these seemingly Godless roads before. Which of course, he has. I press my body further into the buttery soft Italian caramel leather seat and loosen my grip on the door handle. The speediest and sexiest way to my destination is in an obscenely expensive Italian sports car. My adrenaline races through my veins and the perspiration trickles down my neck. The purring from the engine growls louder as our speed approaches 150 mph and I catch a swooshing glimpse at the road sign - Happiness 10 miles. I exhale a sigh of relief, almost there I assure myself. Gazing over at the stone silent driver, he stares back with his soulless eyes and jerks the steering wheel, causing the car to crash through the guard rail and catapult us off the path towards certain death.
My driver was one of seven available. Their names are sloth, lust, anger, pride, greed, envy and gluttony. Choose any of them and you will get your thrill, but they always cause suffering in the end. There is no quick, easy road to Happiness and you should never turn your soul keys over to anyone, except maybe the Divine. The route is full of detours, potholes, road construction and inclement weather, but at least you are in the driver's seat of that Fiat!

What Moors You To This Life?

Yoga philosophy espouses high virtue on becoming detached from that which may cause suffering, not an easy accomplishment in our Western culture. Yet I've attempted to be a good student, reminding myself oh so ever gently, that material possessions are chains that drag us down into the pit of despair (without the 6-fingered man). Vairagya (renunciation) is also one of the ethical precepts yogis are meant to follow. We are supposed to be grateful for each day that we are given on this blue planet yet not be terrified of death. To accept when our time is up and become one with God.
It is this last part I may have taken too far. Who knew that not caring if you live or die might actually be dangerous?? When our 15 year old 4-legged child died last January, Brian and I were beyond devastated. We adjusted eventually...to the deafening silence at home (doggies do like to be heard), the missing soul, and most notably, not needing to care for that living creature any longer. As I plainly told Brian "we are no longer a family, just a couple." NOT being a family was sinkingly depressing for me. I am nurturing and loving by nature, unless you piss me off, and not having Shea to care for, worry and fret about turned out to be more detrimental to my emotional and physical health than I ever envisioned.
The sands of time slowly sifted down, and the changes within me became more visible. I was no longer concerned about being alive, didn't care if my life ended that day or not, felt completely untethered to this world in a way I never experienced prior. Mildly amused by this new sense of freedom from breathing, I thought I was progressing towards a state of enlightenment. How cool I mused, I think I understand this whole non-attachment and clinging to life deal! I felt like a Squarebob Spongepants helium balloon that slipped away from a tiny little hand at the state fair, floating aimlessly higher and higher into infinity. Giggling like a little schoolgirl, either from lack of oxygen or that new found sense of weightlessness, I failed to notice my precarious ascent. That is, until the close call with a Boeing 747.
My featherlight brushstroke with death perked my senses, yet did not sound a warning bell. Not until others expressed serious concern about my laissez faire attitude towards living. Delving deeper into the inky blackness of my ignorance, I blindly grasped onto the anchor of faith. I forced myself to root down and ground my feet firmly into the here and now. As a practicing yogi and teacher, I focused on foundation and centering from within, until I believed it.
"Take the hit as a gift" a teacher once said. I did. My soaring experience taught me that my reason for being is supposed to be selfless, providing seva (service) to others whether through my teaching or caring for those I love (including our new puppy, even when she is willful and contrary). Namaste.

Life Is a Sweet Tart

Most medicine is bitter, but it heals. Whatever, it either tastes like past due motor oil, or gets stuck halfway down my throat, and as I'm gasping for air I wonder if I'll just choke to death on this gargantuan pill instead. Either way, problem solved. Which leads into my favorite word of the month - BITTERSWEET. Life is kinda like a box of chocolates, sometimes there's a sweet caramel filling coated in sinful chocolate, and sometimes, well, sometimes it's just a wad of smokeless tobacco dipped in chocolate. Disgusting when you bite into it, projectile-inducing and not even the silkiest, decadent Swiss confectioner's chocolate coating can save your taste buds from scraping a Brillo pad down your tongue.  And yet, it is the bitter tasting portions of my life that allow me to savor the sweet truffle that follows even more.
The acidic grief that rained on me last year seared a deeper well of inner strength. Dark energies don't rattle my cage anymore. My force field locks down and not even Darth Vader can unnerve me. My soul is still sugar-brimmed with the nectar of compassion and kindness, they just don't get to shove a crazy straw down and suck me dry. The biting experiences we go through are there to teach us something. Otherwise, all they do is leave a bad aftertaste.
When the bitter, sour, acrid, pungent moments in life come your way know that it too shall pass and when the dessert tray of good times rolls up, indulge and enjoy.
And as far as the box of chocolates and never knowing what you're gonna get, grab a sharp paring knife and follow my lead - unmercifully dissect that bonbon down the middle and check out it's guts. No white nougat center surprise for me!!

Rosemary and Thyme Make Great Friends

A long-time friend of mine recently confided a shattering confession. As she sat crumpled in despair on my loveseat, I asked why she hadn't called on me sooner for help. She shook her head and with trembling lips muttered "you were going through your own hell, I couldn't burden you with mine." It was right after I'd lost my dog and grief truly consumed me like a malarian fever. When I pressed on as to why she had not reached out to others, she admitted a lack of trust in some and not wanting to burden the rest with her self-induced troubles. A burden?! Isn't that what friends are for? To grab them by the collar, wildly look into their bewildered eyeballs and scream "Well, are you going to help me or WHAT?"
As my ever loving friends will laughingly confirm, I've got no problem SOS'ing them when I'm teetering at the edge of a dark precipice. I know better. I'm fully aware of my incompetence at talking myself rationally away from the ledge. The competing logical and emotional voices in my head are too busy arguing their opposing viewpoints and I've muted both of them to teach them a lesson. So, as I stand paralyzed with fear and mesmerized by the siren call of the cavernous unknown, I frantically dial my cellphone. And for extra fun, I'm uncooperative or combative with whichever poor soul was unlucky enough to answer, but they love me anyway, right??
Cultivating and maintaining friendships require an open heart, patience and perseverance. My friend matter of factly stated she's too old to make new friends (she's in her 40's). Which is utter nonsense, of course. Some of the richest, deepest friendships I've developed were in the last few years. But you do have to put yourself out there, reach out to new people and make the effort to connect. Just as a vegetable garden needs watering, tending and feeding, so do our human connections. Life would be one tasteless, dull British stew if it weren't for the rich, flavorful, bitter, sweet, sour and salty friends who spice it up.
To the five of you who read my nonsense, I'm posing this question: If you were a spice, what would you be? I'm definitely salt, for all the right and wrong reasons.

Joy Is Riding An Elephant to Happytown

They say it's the journey, not the destination. Yeah got it, but I'm antsy to reach Happytown and can't understand why I chose one of the slowest mammals on the planet to take me there. His handler, who has an uncanny resemblance to Gandhi, assures me Ganesh knows the way to joy and just enjoy the ride. My "ride" being an elephant, a very special elephant as I will find out. Still doubtful, I reluctantly nod in understanding. This is my last chance to depart on my journey before the rainy season begins. Mounted on Ganesh, we wander off down a rural, dusty path headed into the unknown. The handler leaves me with one dire warning, "Do not be tempted by the distractions along the way, stay with Ganesh, he will keep you safe".

From this height, the world seems smaller and quieter. The slower pace allows me to sit back and observe the mundane as if through a microscope. We pass through a tiny village and at its edge, a candy apple red Maserati comes into view. A peddler rushes up and craning his neck yells up at me, "You can ride the Maserati or the elephant to Happytown, they are both the same price!"  Really?? I can't pass up driving an Italian sports car, so I dismount Ganesh and slide into the buttery toffee colored leather seat.
Two hours later with steam bellowing out of the hood, I crawl to a stop. Turns out Maseratis are no match for pothole ridden dirt roads or 105 degree heat. I spot something meandering my way, it's Ganesh. He halts, turns his majestic head towards me and says "The Maserati is beautiful, but not practical for this harsh climate". A talking elephant? Ganesh shares his story with me as we continue our journey into the night. He is no ordinary elephant he explains, he is the Lord of all living things. The remover of obstacles, obstacles that prevent us from achieving joy. "Humans gravitate towards material attachments, which create suffering. You choose an impractical vehicle to travel to Happytown and it leaves you stranded. Why?" he asks. I ponder my answer and respond "Because I've never driven a Maserati before and it is a status symbol of wealth in my country. I wanted to boast about it to my friends back home". Ganesh lifts his trunk and pats me on the head as he chuckles and says "Ahh, ego. Another obstacle I must clear for you".
The rising sun is breathtaking here, a rainbow sherbet sky spread over the horizon. Just then, a dark object with a humongous wing span buzzes by me and as I focus in, realize it's a flying carpet! It circles back around and its driver devilishly smiles at me saying, "You can ride my magic carpet or the elephant to Happytown, they are both the same price." Well, a magic carpet can't break down and it is much speedier than an elephant, so I hop on the Persian rug and wave goodbye to Ganesh. Wait till my friends hear about this, I think to myself.
Two hours later with a few bumps and scratches courtesy of the towering fig tree we crashed into, I am sitting down, pressed up against its trunk tending to my wounds. Turns out flying carpets are fast but not good at dodging a flock of birds. Plus, it's really windy up there, Aladdin never mentioned the wind part. Regretting my latest transportation mode and the suffering it's causing, I glance into the vast desert and who should appear but Ganesh. He languidly arrives to my rescue and I clamber on, wincing all the way. We travel in silence for a while, which I welcome. I don't need a lecture from the Lord elephant right now. After our lunch break under a shady Bodhi tree, I quietly admit how my choices led to suffering and unhappiness and ask Ganesh for help. "Be aware of your actions and inactions. Will they lead to joy or suffering? Life should flow like water, unobstructed and without resistance. That is the path to joy. Get out of your own way", the wise elephant answers.
The remainder of our trip was uneventful and I rode into Happytown with a clearer outlook on the true meaning of finding joy within rather than without. You may not need an elephant to lead you to joy, the path is the same for us all. Happiness does not come from material wealth or our emotional attachments to it, happiness comes when we travel with the Divine or God at our side.
May your life be free from suffering, May you be at peace, May you be happy.

Hope Floats

Martin Luther King's birthday just passed and I mused on how close to the new year it falls. When I think of Mr. King, the word "hope" always filters to the top. Hope permeates the air in January like the scent of my blossoming tangelo in springtime. After all, New Year's resolutions need a good sprinkling of hope to manifest themselves. So I am pondering the word hope. When we anchor hope onto our dreams, expectations or accomplishments, it not only gives them a sense of lightness or buoyancy but density as well. When we hope for a better life situation in the new year, it adds a weighty quality to our desire. There is a responsibility to take practical steps towards that goal, not just a wistful desire that our future improve. Turning hope into reality is an intense proposition. In my view, hope carries a lot of weight, yet is light to carry. It is that airy, souffle-like quality that I am focusing on this year. How can I lighten the load or burden of procuring myself a better life and not feel as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders? Every morning prior to meditation, I now ask myself what brought me happiness yesterday: a peaceful hike with my Australian Shepherd, the deep tissue massage I scheduled in the afternoon (a Christmas gift from my hubby). Then I ask what will bring me happiness that day, and think of at least one joyful experience yet to come. It may be as simple as watching a movie with my husband or enjoying a good meal with friends that coming evening. Remembering how important joy is in our daily lives keeps hope afloat within our hearts. Here is a fun question I asked my yoga students: If hope were a food, what food would it be for you? I visualize a light, airy chocolate mousse, with an intensely pure cocoa taste. Something so light on the tongue, yet exploding with flavor on the palate. I received some unexpected responses, from spinach to alfalfa sprouts, even bananas! There is no right or wrong food choice, I just felt dessert was way more fun! Share your choice in the comments section, I'd love to know. Hope props us up and helps carry us above the challenges placed before us. May your burdens be light and your joys many this upcoming year.

Ring In, Toss Out.

This new year is the year I look towards what I want, not back on what I don't want. Say what, you ask? Instead of focusing my energy on negative patterns I want to change, zero in on the positive trends I'm starting. One of my favorite films is from the 1970's titled "The Gumball Rally" starring a young, handsome Raul Julia as an Italian race car driver. The story is about a handful of car enthusiasts and their yearly illegal race across the country. As Raul Julias' character steps into his Alfa Romeo, he grabs a hold of the rear view mirror and states: (insert Italian accent here)"What is behind us is not important!" and yanks the mirror off, tossing it into the backseat. Fabuloso! In life, what is in our past should stay there. Notice it become smaller as you move forward down the superhighway of life. Travel light carrying only what you need. The new year is as good a time as any to assess our needs, wants, desires and hopes. The more "needs", the more luggage you haul. One of my New Year's intentions is about conquering fear, fear of the future, of failing, of not achieving my full potential as a human being, fear of falling (on my head, that is, in pincha mayurasana-forearm stand). Tall order. And yet, my path towards less fear is by heading straight into it. Forgetting about past failed attempts at the above entreaties, tossing out the rear view mirror, and heading down the road pedal to the metal no speed limit in sight. I realize the only obstacle in my path is myself, I'm the one with invisible constraints on my future. How to bypass that? Distinguish between true fear and imprinted fear. True fear is flying at 120mph well beyond my driving skills, imprinted fear is speeding up to 30mph beyond my comfortable driving speed. A bit frightful, adrenaline going, but not really dangerous. And without a rear view mirror I won't steal glimpses at it for those dreaded flashing red and blue lights. I'll just keep moving ahead until I reach the finish line. With a new year comes new beginnings, renewed hopes. May yours be guided by an open heart and an open mind as you reach for your goals.

Merry Christmas Charlie Brown!

I love the Peanuts gang. It's just not the holidays without seeing Snoopy rock out on his electric guitar! I break out in a funky dance as soon as the "Lucy and Linus" theme chimes in. What is it about Charlie Brown that makes him and his friends so timeless?

Charlie Brown brings out the child in each of us, transporting us back to simpler times and carefree lives. He helps us recapture, even if for a short time, the joy of our inner child, that sense of wonder and boundless happiness. This Christmas I chose to uncomplicate my obligations and focus on the true meaning of this Christian holiday. Although I don't personally belong to an organized religion, the true meaning applies to all human kind. Goodwill, charity, understanding, peace, empathy, selflessness should be a part of us all year round, not just around the holidays when it's fashionable.

The sad, little tree that needs a home is pretty obvious in the Peanuts version. Showing compassion for others, even a tree, is much easier than turning that compassion within and directing it inward. Our inner child needs nurturing and love as well. There is a well known Buddhist meditation titled "Loving Kindness". This meditation is about compassion, compassion for ourselves first, then toward those we know, and finally to all sentient beings. Like the emergency oxygen mask we strap on prior to assisting others, being merciful to our inner self is like oxygen for our soul. We can't adequately help others if we don't attend to our spiritual child first.

Although Snoopy is my favorite Peanuts character (who doesn't want a dog like Snoopy??), Charlie Brown carries our inner child on his sleeve labeled as insecurity, angst and simplicity. Yet it is in simplicity that the divine qualities of our inner child shine. Open hearted, good and kindly are the traits we should carry on our sleeve every day, just like Charles.

My Christmas wish to you all is to find your inner child and give it a reason to smile. Feel the warmth of that smile radiate through your soul and fill you with compassion and joy.

What Are You Grateful For?

Thanksgiving Day is upon us and gratitude is the word that bubbles to the surface of my consciousness. Grateful for every single moment of my silly life. I take so many moments for granted, such as my ability to hike a mountain, gaze at a rainbow sherbet sunset as I'm stuck in rush hour traffic, take in the melodious singing of competing songbirds in my garden, conversing with a good friend, laughing and playing with my young nephews, sharing a delicious meal. I am in deep gratitude for a healthy body and mind and for all the gifts I've been bestowed that money can't buy. I am grateful to each and every one of you for your friendship, love and kindness. May tomorrow truly be a day of thankfulness for all of you.

Mamma Mia! Here I Go Again

Yes, it's a musical. With ABBA music. I omitted both of those facts when my husband asked what the movie we were about to watch, Mamma Mia!, was about. "It's a comedy, honey", I sweetly replied. By the time he figured out there was dancing AND singing at the same time, it was too late. He abhors musicals. If I ever want to torture him, I'll tie him to a chair and force him to watch "The Sound of Music" repeatedly. But I digress. The 70's were big. Big on everything. Sequined jumpsuits w/bell bottoms wide enough to hide a family of squirrels. Platform shoes for wading through rice paddies. Cars that could double as boats, and larger than some New York apartments. It was fabulous! Why am I blogging about this? Because of one scene. Forget the decadence of a Greek island setting, Meryl Streep singing her heart out and Pierce Brosnan bravely crooning onscreen. The girls on the bed jumping and hopping captured my heart. When is the last time you jumped up and down on a bed? Let your inner child go wild? Threw caution and propriety out the window and set yourself free? Our souls need to express their silly side as well as their introspective one. Life is way too serious these days. Bounce a yo-yo, throw a Frisbee, lick a Popsicle, chase your friend with a remote control car, shoot silly string at each other, blow bubbles, and don't forget to jump on the bed! Most importantly, laugh and forget your worries.

Joy in a Lunchbox

Who knew Blondie could make me giggle like a little girl? The story I am about to tell you is true, to the horror of my mother, I am sharing it with the blogosphere. She would be mortified!

Once upon a time, at the bottom of a hill in a quiet, middle class neighborhood in Staten Island there was a pile of broken, used, loved but unneeded items waiting for the trash collector. My tear-filled 7-year old eyes kept staring in disbelief at the shiny metal lunchbox sitting there. I loved that lunchbox, but mom said we couldn't take it to Spain with us. There just was no room. No room for a lunchbox??? We had room for a stupid old baby grand piano but not my favorite lunchbox? I cried so hard and to this day, with crystal clear vision, can see my treasure waiting at the curb. I remember the day my mom bought it for me. I had waited for what seemed eternity for my Blondie lunchbox. Then, one day at the supermarket, I spotted it neatly lined up on an upper shelf above the open freezer with scores of other lunchboxes. I squealed with delight, jumping up and down pointing at it! I HAD to have it, so the nice clerk climbed up the ladder and handed it to me. I quickly unlatched it, but there was no Thermos. No Thermos? The man looked around at all the other lunchboxes, but this was the last Blondie left. I glanced quickly at my mom terrified she would make me give it back and told her there was no way I was giving up Blondie, Thermos or not. She asked the man if it would be possible to take one from a different lunchbox and my Blondie lunchbox was complete with a Yellow Submarine (yes, from the Beatles) Thermos. I carried that lunchbox everywhere! I was soooo happy! Until the day we moved to Barcelona, Spain.

I've never forgiven my mother for that atrocity, it was psychologically damaging. She has apologized over and over for this faux pas, and I certainly seem to have survived without it. In fact, I didn't realize how much it affected me until last week. A friend gave me an unexpected gift for just being a friend. You guessed it, a Blondie lunchbox with the correct Thermos this time around. See picture accompanying this entry to see me clutching it with absolute joy and delight!

Even I was surprised at how much joy and completeness it brought me. My friend remarked how brokenhearted he was when I told him the story a while back and wanted to show his gratefulness by giving me this incredibly thoughtful gift.

My Blondie lunchbox and I are reunited at last, a complete circle of sorts. I've forgiven my mother and I am NEVER letting this one out of my hands! Our joys in life sometimes come in the most unexpected packages. The gift of gratitude is the most awesome gift of all. May gratitude find its way to you, and when it does, pass it on!

Lighten Your Load

Ever notice how some people are constantly looking back? They live in coulda, woulda, shoulda land? Living in the past and wishing they'd done..whatever they didn't do? Don't you just want to scream "snap out of it!" I mean, who cares? Alright, my rant is over, whew, I feel better. If we are constantly looking back we will miss what is ahead and either, lose out on an opportunity, or hit a light pole. Don't get me wrong, we need to learn from our mistakes but why flog ourselves over it? Maybe I am missing that regret gene. Not being the most impulsive human probably eases the lack of regret. Not that I don't think being impulsive is fun, I've jumped into plenty of fountains in my time and even clambered over the balcony of a 9th story building once (to my defense I was only 10 and stupidly lucky). But regret is a waste of mind time and a depressant at that. Kicking old habits is not for the faint of heart, but kicking regret out of your consciousness will release you from your past. How to start? As one who lacks the regret gene, I can only speak from my personal vault. Think through major decisions and gather all the facts before jumping in. Apply the Golden Rule to EVERY action or inaction you take. Sprinkle kindness, patience and compassion on every person you encounter (even if it is not reciprocated). Live with passion yet restraint and see what lies ahead.

Why Postpone Joy?

I mesmerisingly stare at these words sparkling in rhinestones on a petite woman's t-shirt, and my mind stops in its tracks. Wow, great question I tell myself, and how do you answer that? The white elephant in the room answer is of course, you don't. So why do we postpone joy? That is the deeper question we each must self reflect on. My answer was duty. The duty to work to make money and pay bills. The duty to keep my home from becoming a pig sty, even though I loathe cleaning. The duty to lift weights to stave off the inevitable decay of my muscles from old age. It's the "have to" chores in my life that sometimes postpone my joy, or so I suppose. Maybe it's the attitude with which I approach these duties that needs to shift. What if I find joy in my duties instead? I'm working towards it. I now listen to NPR while the pungent smell of white vinegar wafts up my nostrils. I may as well get smarter while mopping the floors. Finding joy in real estate these days is a bit challenging, but I love my other job, teaching yoga. Paying off bills will give me peace of mind and take a load off, so there is joy in that. Lifting weights? Hmm, maybe if I were narcissistic I could admire the cut muscles on my arms, but it really doesn't do anything for me. I would just as gladly take a pill, or eat spinach. Finding joy requires looking within and shedding habits that no longer serve us, adopting new ones and finding the sparkle (tejase) in all that we do.

Are the Flying Monkeys Chasing You?

There are weeks I feel the Wicked Witch of the West is relentlessly chasing me around with those flying monkeys of hers. I swat them away but they continue to be on my back. Surrendering to the green-faced evil one is no option in my book, but there are times I am tired of running! What if Dorothy hadn't run away? She would have been safely tucked in the storm cellar and had no adventures at all. How boring. Many of us took calculated risks to boost our retirement savings or advance our financial nest eggs and got caught in this economic down spiraling tornado. Hindsight is 20/20 and perhaps we would rethink some of our choices, but the only regrets you have in life are the risks you didn't take. Yes, didn't take. I personally don't believe in regret, so I do wander outside of the farm every once in a while to check out Kansas (the world).

Would I change some of my past choices? Absolutely, but I made the decisions at the time with all the information I had, and not knowing any wizards, could not read the future. So I will keep trekking to Oz and dreaming of multi-color changing horses. Just watch out for the flying monkeys!

In the Event of a Water Landing...

you mean if we crash into the ocean?? Love that joke from George Carlin. If you aren't familiar with it, he has a whole bit on airlines (uncut & unedited) that was way before Southwest hired comedic attendants.

Everything we say or don't say, how our speech delivery is, our choice of vocabulary, can drastically change what the intention of our words is. There is subtlety (as in water landing) and bluntness (crashing) that beg for balance when we are attempting to convey something verbally. Too vague and polite and most people miss the point entirely. Too brusque and those of a delicate nature become easily offended. So how to keep from upending someones apple cart and yet get their attention? Fact is there is no fast rule here. Most people today are riding an emotional roller coaster 24/7, so depending on where you catch them on their ride will decide how they take your words. I like to think I am somewhere in the middle of subtle and rude. Politely direct usually conveys my intentions, especially if I throw humor in the mix. Doesn't always work either. Then, I have to drive home the point like a hammer or I've already insulted someone. We cannot control the actions or reactions of others, but we can control our own. Become an observer and watch the riders on the roller coaster screaming with delight and fear, as you remain calm and detached. Don't take things too personally in this amusement park called life, it's usually not about you.

What Did You Learn?

As any substitute teacher knows, we are not always welcomed with open arms. Students of all ages get comfortable with the teaching style and personality of their instructor, and don't always enjoy change. It is summer in Phoenix, which means we are all looking to run away from the heat. Vacation time equals more substitute yoga teachers (after all, we deserve a break too). In the fitness world, yoga students are viewed by many to be the least flexible when it comes to change. Odd, since yoga itself is about flexibility of body and mind! Maybe it is the nature of yoga, a body-mind exercise, that endears yoga students to their teachers. Yoga is also a philosophy, not just physical exercise. I remember every one of my past yoga instructors, as they each opened my spiritual path in some way. I don't, on the other hand, recall many of my past cardio instructors.
As a yoga student myself, even I am disappointed when my favorite teacher is not in the studio. Immediately my defenses come up and inwardly feel the resistance to change bubbling to the surface. My negative self-talk tries to bully its way to my consciousness and convince me to turn around and go home. Aware of this, I push this negativity aside and purposely choose to find one new positive learning experience from that substitute teacher. I usually walk out with at least two great new tidbits, whether it's different ways of teaching a specific pose, learning a new pose, better verbiage or feeling a new breathing technique. It may not be the class I was expecting, but I still came away with something learned.
We always learn something from a new experience, it is what we choose to learn that makes up our character.

Shaken, But Not Stirred

It's 6AM in Pelham, NY and I am shaken awake. As I unfog my mind, the guest bed I lie in continues to quake beneath me. I hop out and dart into the darkened hallway, bewildered. My hosts are already there, staring strangely out the second story window. They seem frightened, and now, so am I. A bomb has hit NYC, they blurt out. My eyes, still adjusting to the dimness of the hour, strain out the window expecting an afterglow or anything to validate their wildly insane statement. Nothing. I slowly reply that I think an earthquake just jolted us out of bed. By their looks, they seem to think that's crazier than a bomb! It turns out my first earthquake occurred in NY of all places. I was in Manhattan for four days back in 1985 and experienced an earthquake. Go figure!
When your foundation is being rocked, how do you keep from losing your footing? What do you hang on to when the ground beneath you is shifting, as it did that memorable dawn in Pelham? Finding a safe center and solid ground is not always possible out there, yet always available within each and every one of us. We just may have to reach deep down into that well of inner strength and grab a big handful. What is in your well? Prayer? Meditation? Deep spirituality? If you are not sure, these unsteady times may be when you discover what your core is made of.
Best of all, earthquakes don't last forever.