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Monday, June 29, 2009

Stop Dealing Drugs

to your family, friends, acquaintances and strangers. NOT those kinds of drugs, we are talking about emotional addicts and how we enable them. My definition of addiction is simple: something you can't stop. Every time someones becomes angry, the hypothalamus in the brain produces chemicals to be released into the bloodstream. The problem with an addict, is he always wants more. So, a person addicted to anger will conjure up situations (whether real or imagined) to trigger the emotional "hit" they need. We, as enablers, allow the person to trigger a reaction out of us that will give them the hit they seek. Ever wonder why some people pick fights out of nowhere? Why some people always have drama in their life? View a short video on emotional addiction.
I have a couple of questions I ask myself whenever someone seems to be needing a reaction out of me. What emotional "hit" am I fulfilling for them (anger, frustration, victimization)? Do I want to give them this? If my answer is no, I simply withhold what they need. I don't give them the emotional reaction they are expecting from me. On the contrary, my response is either changing the subject or responding in an objective way that I know won't create that "hit" for them. This usually works, unless it's someone who's been faithfully counting on you as their "drug dealer" for years, like a relative or good friend. Then, it's a little more complicated and will require you to stand strong in your position. At first, the addict will be slightly confused at your new behavior. Then he will try different tactics to cajol that needed reaction out of you. Don't be surprised if he becomes rude, combative or desperate (just like a drug addict). Over time, he will seek someone else to provide the emotional high he needs. Be aware you may lose this relationship if you choose to change your behavior towards them, but you may also be the first step they need to overcome their addiction.
Emotions aren't wrong, they make life more colorful. The important thing to remember is not to allow our emotional states to control us, otherwise we must be addicted to them.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Understanding Shiva's Dance

I experienced two of the five acts of Shiva last week. A path opened before me, all the pieces fell into place, and feeling pretty good (read ego) about following my intuitive self, headed off skipping happily down the path. Unexpectedly, an obstacle got thrown right in my way. I was confused and blindsided, as I was sure the signs of karma had led me here and could not understand the derailing. Instead of reacting with anger or frustration though, I chose to wait. Wait for the purpose of the obstacle to be revealed. The challenge, apart from corking my ego like an unhappy genie in a bottle, was to be patient and have trust while the reason was concealed from me. As the obstacle lifted, an unexpected gift came with it. Smiling inwardly, I understood the reason for the concealment and the lesson learned when the time for revealment came. I learned that life's bumps, potholes, detours and delays are there to teach us patience and trust. The patience to not overreact and trust in the unknown (the unrevealed). The unknown will reveal itself when it is ready.
Our lives are in a constant flow of concealment and revealment. Awareness helps us become more in touch with the natural pulsation of life (prana). As the dark side of the moon reveals itself unhurried, we can wait in the darkness armed with trust and patience knowing the light will reveal our path in due time.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Stick to Your Roots

During these unsettling times, people around us are making life-affirming choices. It may even be you. When you make the decision to fundamentally change your life, know that not everyone will be cheering you on. Some may try to change your mind through any means necessary, as your change will affect them in some way. We humans, as a rule, do not like change. It alters our routine and shakes up our perception of the world. So when we make the decision to take a different path, we need to ask ourselves a few questions. Is my new choice grounded in wisdom, intuition and the survival/growth of my spiritual self? Am I making this decision based on emotion (anger, hate, passion, greed, revenge...)? If your answer is yes and no, respectively, prepare to stick to your decision and not allow outside forces to waver it. Know that your wisdom mind is at the root of your change and remain steadfast. As your logical and emotional minds start to barrage and attempt to sabotage your root decision with over thinking and second, even triple guessing, remain rooted like an oak tree in the eye of a storm. As outsiders batter you with opinions, unsolicited advice and attempted persuasion, stay true to your roots and your authentic self.

If your mind becomes clouded and foggy, allow your wisdom, like a wind of change, to bring clarity of thought. We must have strong roots to ground us in order to grow stronger and healthier, both spiritually and physically. Shallow roots topple us over in stormy weather. Root to rise is a term we use in hatha yoga to affirm our postures. It applies to life as well. May you root to rise.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

So Many Hats, So Little Time


Lately, I've been adding hats to my already diverse collection. These are great hats, some are simple by design and others are more intricate. My sombreros have names and include the following: real estate agent, marketing specialist, bookkeeper, office manager, yoga teacher, qigong instructor, stress management coach, blogger, friend, sister, wife, auntie, daughter, mom to 4-legged child, home CEO (domestic goddess), etc... Whew, I'm exhausted just reading the list.
During this economic turmoil, we are all wearing more hats. I find they all need to be worn at least once in a while or they get dusty and start to feel neglected. The important thing to remember while wearing that specific hat is to BE THE HAT. While wearing the yoga teacher hat, I stay focused on being the teacher, not get distracted by all the other hats waiting to be worn. Focusing on the present task at hand allows us to live in the moment and be our best. It also keeps me from burning dinner - where's my chef's hat?
Knowing when to turn down another hat is also paramount. After all, we only have one head, and you look silly wearing several hats at the same time!! You may need to juggle a few hats at a time, just know you might drop one or two inadvertently.
How many hats do you wear? Are there some you could give to someone else or retire completely? Taking inventory, every now and then, of our duties in life helps us prioritize and discard what no longer serves us. As you look at that hat, ask yourself the question: Does this serve me any longer?
Off comes the blogger chapeau as I snug on my hiker cap.